Used
by Potsie18
Summary: It's been ten years after they've shrunk and Conan confessed that he also likes Haibara. But why does it hurt more than before? Rated T, just in case.


Hey everyone! I'm lost to what I'm supposed to write in the next chapter for Crazy Little Thing Called Love and There is more than you see, so I decided to write another one shot! I hope you'll like it!

Disclaimer: I don't own Detective Conan

-Used-

...

I've worked so hard on it, I worked years for it...

Yet, I was happy when you wasted it.

...

It was a cloudy day when you arrived at professor's house looking for me. It's almost Christmas already so I have an idea why you paid a visit. I heard your heavy footsteps from above, obviously hurrying for your gift. After knocking and opening the door slowly, you approached me, I turned my seat to face you while feeling the small box in my lab gown's pocket.

Yes, this is one of the days you look forward to. After eight years of failed research and destroyed files from the organization, I finally announced that there's no way to get the exact formula to counteract the poison. I was able to offer you small help for eight years, which is giving you antidotes that can allow you to change back for a week without the worry of building an immunity, with a few restrictions and rules. The first, you are only allowed to take it five times a year. Second, during New Year and Christmas, you are given antidotes which you should consume before the occasion ends. The remaining three is for you to decide when to use.

You opened your hand before me, I pulled the box from my pocket and placed it on your open hand. You thanked me, as usual, and flashed a smile. You didn't know how your smile affects me so much. Preventing a blush from showing, I reminded you of the rules I set before turning my seat to face my computer again. I was hoping that you would do something special for me too... I know you saved me from the organization before and it is almost too special for me... but then again, you would do the same for her, wouldn't you? I know I am being selfish, but I am only hoping you would... something so special that would break the wall I built for years. Yes, I am waiting for that day that someone would completely break the wall that's imprisoning my true self and I'm hoping it's you.

I was too occupied by my thoughts that I thought you already left, as always, but you're still standing behind me. I stopped for a moment before turning to look at you. I asked if something is wrong and you answered 'nothing', still, the disturbed expression you have is opposite of what you are saying. You turned around and thanked for the last time before leaving.

...

That's right, detectives are good in revealing the truth...

But sometimes they also deny the truth.

...

It is Christmas day and I was surprised to see you at the professor's couch in Conan's body. Did you waste the antidote I gave you? Did you use it? Or did you threw it? I walked towards you and as I put up my sarcastic question you turned your head to me. I stopped. For a second, I saw sadness pass by your eyes, before you answered with your usual retort. What happened to you? I was tempted to ask you that question but restrained myself from doing so, because it would be 'un-Haibara'. I just gave you a small hum of yes before turning around. Then you called me... not by my last name but my first. Ai, I was hoping that you would call me that someday but you did more than that, again. You called me Shiho, you didn't know how much that made my day, of course I acted like I was annoyed by the sudden intimacy at the name, nevertheless, I was happy.

That was the day where it all started, you always call me by my first name, Ai when in public, I was starting to get used to it and was able to control my racing heart. You also held my hand when we're walking or doing nothing, you play with my fingers before entwining your hand with mine. I like your hand holding mine, it gives me warmth and it also shows that you care for me. At first I acted like I was annoyed and brushed your hand off but I was actually embarrassed and happy, when you continued doing it, I just let you hold my hand, I can't continue lying to myself that I don't like what you're doing to me.

When I was so confused with my feelings, I decided to ask you all about it. I cornered you at the basement and asked in a not-so-nice way, to hide the embarrassment I was feeling that moment. You averted your gaze, with a slight blush on your cheeks. And that moment, you said the words I longed to hear from you.

...

The day that you confessed that you also feel the same way as I am is the happiest day in my life...

But now, why am I hurting inside?

...

We were walking down the sidewalk, you were very quiet that day, I was worried that maybe you have a problem and you wanted to keep it all by yourself, so I started a small arguement to force you to tell me what you're thinking in a subtle way. Then it came out, you looked at the concrete floor with your worried eyes. Worried? What for? You revealed that Mouri Ran's birthday is coming and she invited Kudo Shinichi to come and announce to everyone the good news. I looked at you, who was so lost if he will go or not, I can see that you really wanted to come. I took a few deep breaths before telling you to come. You were surprised and at the same time I saw your face light up instantly. I felt a prick in my heart. I started teasing you about your first love to hide the pain growing in my heart, you answered with a blush and a smile so bright that made me realize one thing.

It was the first true smile you showed me since last Christmas.

...

I thought I was selfish for asking and hoping for more of your attention...

I never thought that you would be worse...

...

I was waiting for you to pick me up and attend Mouri-san's birthday, the venue would be the coffee shop under the agency, there will be a small party and the rest will be spent on singing, eating, and talking. A knock was heard on the door and I quickly opened it to see Kudo Shinichi standing before me. I gathered myself and tried really hard not to show my emotions. I was stunned by the way he stood there, the smile he had also gave a shine on his face. Then I remembered... his smile is bright and he is facing me, but that smile is not for me. Another piece of my heart was eaten by the pain.

He offered his hand to me and I took it. We started walking towards the agency while he was talking about something about Sherlock Holmes or about his recent case but I can't understand it completely because he was stammering and he kept on switching to the other if he remembered something.

We arrived at the coffee shop, he opened the door for me and saw that the other guest are already there. Suzuki-san and Mouri-san(Kogoro) were sitting at the middle while Mouri Ran's classmates, probably, were sitting at the corner and occupying the largest table, the other chairs were occupied by older people, officemate's maybe? We took our seat beside the window and waited for Mouri-san to arrive.

...

'There is only one truth' is what you always say, and that truth will always show itself...

But I never thought you would go this far to hide it.

...

After waiting for a few more minutes the bells at the door rang, everyone turned their head and smiled at the new arrived... couple? I sat there staring at the two who is a perfect example of a 'perfect couple'. I had an idea in my head but I don't want to entertain it. But a word kept on repeating on my head. Used.

I slowly turned my head to look at Kudo, his eyes were also locked on the happy couple. I could see sadness in them, regret, and longing. I looked down, unable to process all the things happening around me, or rather, I deny all the things happening around me. The idea popped again in my head, this time I didn't ignore it, but I tried my best to fight it. I tried my best to tell myself that it's not true. He just missed being with her always, that's all.

Mouri-san suddenly spoke, she announced that she's getting married with the man she loves. I was surprised that she was able to move on. Well, it's already more than ten years, but still, there's a part of me that says the man in front of me haven't. I looked at Kudo again, this time it wasn't sadness, or regret or longing. It was pain. I just drank my coffee to keep myself busy and not mind the pain that is slowly swallowing my heart.

Mouri-san roamed around the cafe, with her soon to be husband, thanking her guests, who're wishing the two of them happiness and good luck.

...

How stupid of me and how insensitive of you...

for me to believe you and for you to use me...

...

At last, the couple arrived at our table. Mouri-san was smiling from ear to ear while hugging her fiance's arm. She greeted us while you just gave her a forced smile, to tell her that you're fine. But I know better than that. I can see your eyes very clearly from where I'm seating, you're so engrossed looking and smiling at her that you forgot that I'm with you. I averted my gaze from the two of you to the coffee cup in my hand, I played with the curved handle before Mouri-san talked to me, congratulating me for my new boyfriend and asking me to take good care of you. I took a glance at you, you're still looking at her, since her couple left to greet the other guests, I could still see pain in them. I smiled bitterly. The idea that kept on bugging me from the start won over me.

I stood up and told Mouri-san that I still have something to do that day. She tried to stop me and stay for a few more hours but I declined. As I open the door to exit the shop, I took a last look over my shoulder and knew that my decision is right.

Because you didn't even stopped me...

Because your gaze is still locked onto her...

And because I know...

You used me.

...

Poor Shiho, being used by the detective like that. Very bad, don't you think? I suddenly got this idea when I was staring at the blank notepad and so busy hogging the fan all to myself. (I like the air because it makes my hair fly in every direction you imagine.) Is she OOC in here? I'm trying to show her hidden emotions behind her mask, and the reasons why she tease Conan sometimes. Oh, and sorry for making Shinichi/ Conan look like the bad guy, it's not bad to make him the bad guy sometimes, right?

So, how is it? Did you feel the pain I was supposed to give off? Or did it sounded funny for a reason I don't know. It's my first time to write a story with a sad ending so suggestions, for improvement, and reviews, to keep my stories running! Thank for reading! ^^


End file.
